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agent smith

Al Queda runs Verizon

Most people would assume this is a story seen on the The Onion or maybe on the front of one of those tabloid magazines that sit by the counter at the grocery store. This is far from the truth for I have actually proof that Al Queda runs Verizon secretly, and they use this power to find weakness's in the American system of protection.

Reason #1: Al Queda and Verizon both teach their base line members remedial tasks. For instance, if you watched the news you have seen these Training Camp Videos and you have seen the trainees do things like climb the monkey bars. Just now I got off the phone with Verizon DSL Tech Support and here is a portion of the conversation.

Representative: We will have to go into your router to change some settings.
Me: OK, I'm logged in.
Representative: Can you please open up your browser?
Me: Yeah, I have it opened, I'm logged into the router, what do you want me to change?
Representative: In your browser type in the Address bar.

Reason #2: Phones didn't work in Manhattan during September 11th. Verizon says too much Traffic on their network. I think not.

Reason #3: Blame shifting. If Al Queda is blamed for an attack, they say "I don't know", but public say we are glad that they have done these deeds, and it is what they deserve. Verizon, if your service gets messed up and you call up, the "computer" had problems and it will be fixed shortly. Our Engineers are working on the problem, and it has to do with someone else not us, that caused the problem.

Reason #4: The Taliban had a Monopoly of a government in Afghanistan. Verizon has a Monopoly for cell phone usage. They don't care if you leave, cause they know you can't get good coverage with anyone else. The Taliban knew people couldn't leave.

Reason #5:
C:\>ping alqueda.com

Pinging alqueda.com [] with 32 bytes of data:

Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.

C:\>ping verizon.net

Pinging verizon.net [] with 32 bytes of data:

Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.

And now that I have wrote this article my Internet connection still is ridiculously slow.


reason #1 is so sad, but happens every time
i hate when you call those people and they just assume they are talking to another idiot...even when you say something that's shows you have computer knowledge they still go step by step and act like you're a moron


Yeah, she told me to cycle everything, and I'm like I did that before I called you. Did you unplug your modem. No, I powered it off with the on/off switch, and I unplug the router since that doesnt have one. Well, Unplug the modem, cause turning it off may not fix it.


haha an excuse to get u off the phone


So while I was doing that she is like I found this problem in your area.

NO SHIT, isn't that what I told you when I called.


so calling was basically a big waste of time ;p


Yeah, but it proved to me that verizon is slackards, and i tied up one of there phone lines and employees, so technically that call probably cost them a couple cents, so I'm happy.

Don't assume they know what they're doing...

That rep wasn't assuming that you didn't know anything... THEY didn't know anything. They were reading off a script. The first level of tech support is so bad. You probably confused them with your question. In the future, say things like "the little box thing with the little wire" when referring to the modem and "the hard drive" when referring to your computer. They still won't be able to help, but you'll keep them on the phone longer.

Actually, playing stupid can be pretty fun. Virizon DSL called me one night to try to sell me service. I put on my southern acent and asked them if they had good customer service because I had been trying to call them about my phone bill for the last week. (Which I had.) But everytime I called they were closed (They close at 5:30. This is the PHONE COMPANY! My dry cleaner has better hours!). The rep gave me the number for DSL customer service and wished me good luck. She never did ask me if I wanted to order service. Sell your Virizon stock.

Re: Don't assume they know what they're doing...

I know, but i told her what the problem is yet of course she is blaming on my stuff. Afterwards, she actually looks up and sees there is a problem in my area, after I did all this crap that I told her that wasn't the problem.

I hate Verizon Monkeys.
agent smith

October 2007

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